Day One was a total wash thanks to Labor Day, restless natives (kids), and neighbors bearing booze. I thought I might be able to sneak in an hour or two just to get something on the page, but no…
…this endeavor is off to a wobbly start.
So my first day was actually Day Two and went a little something like this: I started off with a bang by staring blankly at the computer for an hour, followed by 28 minutes of watching the dogs get taunted by a belligerent squirrel (dude was nuts!), followed by a short-lived attempt at being fancy with pen and paper, followed by delirious cackling at the sheer audacity and gall of this ridiculous notion that I can write, and ended with me thrashing in a puddle of self-doubt and fear. Not quite what I’d envisioned for the first day, but not a far cry from normal either.
Daydreaming is part of writing, right? Is this an acceptable notion?
Turns out I was concept-ated (Nooooooo! Don’t laugh, it’ll only encourage more like it.) and it was stemming from a combination of looping indecisiveness and a lack of excitement (and a little doubt) for the three stories I’d been mulling for the past month. They’re solid stories, says me, and would have been relatively easy writes considering the genre and subject, and while I did like them all for various reasons, I wasn’t feeling that spark. Weird? Lame? Cop-out? I don’t care. This is my story and my challenge to accomplish so I might as well believe in it 1000%. I was looking for easy writes, but easy doesn’t compare to passion as far as motor and drive to finish the race, baby.
Ugh. No wonder I was blocked up… too much cheeeeeeeze.
A story and character I’m obsessed with, but have been avoiding, won out in the end. It’s a story I’ve started and stopped a dozen times because it’s hard and deep and somewhat research-intensive and I can’t seem to ‘break’ it. But I’ve already done research for (lots of it – yet another time-killer/procrastination method), so what’s my excuse? This character’s been milling about my head for a year and the only reason I haven’t written her story yet is because I’m scared of the subject and tone? What kind of shit is that? And I want to be a working screenwriter? Fuck off.
So I’m making this challenge two-fold: Battle the beast of subject and genre while mastering an exercise in discipline and timing.
I got this.
Uuuummmm I don’t think I got this. I swear I had the story broken, beaten, and locked in a closet, but it somehow escaped me. Bitch! There’s a problem with having a million brilliant ideas as you nod off to sleep and promise yourself you’ll write it all down first thing in the morning – YOU DON’T REMEMBER THEM. The next day’s typing sounds like phantom clicks of a roulette revolver as you backspace and try to force out the memory through your fingers. Nnnnggghhhhh… Click. Click. Click. Let’s hope it stops before the 6th.
Luckily I didn’t blow my brains out, but I did blow my mmmiinnddd… [don’t hate me] … with a few recollections of brilliant ideas. It’s funny what things can trigger memories. Thank Gojira for them funny things.
No excuses now.